Silly Dream

Episode 1

I’m a computer programmer, I write codes everyday and so my laptop is like my heartthrob, my gum body, my wife…☹️

I barely have time for other things like house chores and hangouts. Deadlines keep me awake all night, but the money keeps rolling in sha. That’s the kind of life I live. 😎

So, with this little intro of mine you can imagine how my little one bedroom apart would look. (I live on the island in a small, quiet estate with lots of trees and cool breeze).

I eat takeout a lot, everything I eat is ordered for, who has time to cook? 🤷🏿‍♀️ Plus, my kitchen sink has a mountain high pile of paper plates and cups and spoons weeks old, (some should be months old i think 🤔) that need to be thrown out.

Every morning I spray the kitchen and adjoining areas to ward off the smell 🤢 while promising myself to cleanup the house that day. Of course, you know how that turns out… I postpone to the next day! 😩😏😭😡.

You’re wondering what kind of guy I am abi? I’m wondering too, only I’m not a guy, I’m a girl. A Yoruba girl brought up the right way with all the morals and good values and housekeeping lessons you can think of.

So, what happened to you babe? You ask me. Well, my job happened. That’s the sacrifice I have to pay to make enough money to take care of myself, my parents and siblings. 😔

Don’t even ask me to get a maid…I don’t want wagging tongues asking questions like “what is she doing with her life?” “Isn’t she a lady, doesn’t she have home training?”

(I know some would say, “wahala for who no get money to hire house help oh” 😂😂😂)

But *everything changed when I had that dream*

I had worked well into the night that particular day. I didn’t even know when I slept off with my head on my table.

In the dream I was sleeping…and a distant noise woke me up. I got up to check what made the sound…lo and behold, it was…

Episode 2

Before I continue let me quickly add that I joined a gym about 7mins drive from my house. Do you know why I joined?

Let me explain😟

Remember how I said I’m always indoors, working on my laptop and eating take-outs? Well, one day I looked at the mirror and discovered that I was double my original size. 😔 (I’m sad and cracked up at the same time). Seriously, you need to see how I look right now 😂😂😂

Newsflash! I visited the gym only twice, after subscribing for a whole month. Imagine, I just “dashed” them 20k. 🤦🏿‍♀️

Back to the dream. Where did I stop?

In the dream, I was sleeping…and a distant noise woke me up. I got up to check what had made the sound…lo and behold it was the scariest, funniest, most amazing thing I had ever seen in my entire life. 😳😳

My kitchen… Oh my God. The sponge was washing the plates…the tap was on, the mop was wet, cleaning the floor for crying out loud! It was like two invisible people were working in my kitchen!!

I was so scared 😱. I couldn’t even move, I tried to talk but my voice box was sleeping or something. I was afraid to move, scared of what would happen if the sponge and mop knew I had seen them. My kitchen was beginning to look like a kitchen and not a refuse dump.

Then I heard another sound. This time I knew where the sound came from.

It was my door, someone was knocking.

I woke up with a start!

OMG 😱, I was dreaming?

I was really dreaming? 😭

Episode 3

Ehen, I’m back oh. Let me continue from where I stopped. Wait first let me laugh small before I continue.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

The reason I laughed is because this part is quite annoyingly funny. 🤦🏿‍♀️

So, Yes oh, my brothers and sisters. I was really dreaming 😭. That meant the kitchen was still a mess☹️

Meanwhile, the person at the door was still knocking. I grudgingly and groggily (does this word exist? 🤔) got up from bed to see who was disturbing my sweet dream.

Who is there? I asked. “My friend open this door jare! I’ve been knocking for the past 5 minutes. Where did you put your ears? Ehn!”

Who do you think would talk to a grownup girl like me in that manner? (I’m 27 years old by the way) You guessed right. My muuummmmyyyyyy 😂😭😭😭 “Oh God, Oh God, oh God”, I said to myself as I unlocked the door. She didn’t even wait for me to open the door very well. 🤦🏿‍♀️

You know what I think? I think she was at a vigil at church and didn’t go home straight. How else would she have been able to get to my house at this time? 🤷🏿‍♀️ It’s 6:05am for heaven’s sake! 😡😩😩

And she proved me right! “It’s been 4 months since we saw you, are you not our child? Did we borrow you from somebody that we will be begging to see you?” Ehn, tell me, you dis geh. Since you didn’t deem it fit to come, me I have deemed it fit to come.

She was looking for the chair in my sitting room to sit on but somehow, she couldn’t find it. Oh, I didn’t tell you😂😂😂

I have piles of books, sheets of designs and clothes littered everywhere, the chair is probably under it. 😂😂

(Let me give you one small gist about my mum. If your sitting or living room is big, she will call it just that, sitting room or living room. But if it’s a tiny cubicle like my own, she will call it “parlor”) 😂😂😂🤦🏿‍♀️

“I just said let me kuku come here from the vigil I went to at the church, if not I will not see this your face”

“Feyi, what happened to your chair? Where is it?” Mum asked me.

(Yes, my name is Feyisayo, sorry I didn’t tell you at the beginning).

“Errr, it’s right here” I said as I tried to clear up space for her to sit.

She sat down, gently like the chair would break if she put her full weight on it. It’s a plastic chair. She looked around, stretched her neck to look at the kitchen through the opened door. She didn’t need to look too much, the stench told her all she needed to know.

“Feyi sit down”. I looked around wondering where to sit, I have only one chair in my “parlor” na, I thought to myself. I sat on the floor like that.

Little did I know that I was about to….

Episode 4

Little did I know that I was about to listen to the weirdest lecture of my life.

“Feyi first of all, let us pray” Heavenly Father, Lord of Lords, ancient of days, I am that I am…

And that’s how the prayer lasted for 30 solid minutes 😭😭

Don’t get me wrong, I love God, I observe my quiet time and I try to read my bible as often as I can but… Do you understand what I’m trying to say? I guess not, let me just continue then. 😟

“The last time you went to church, what was the Sunday school topic?” Mum asked me. 🙆🏿‍♀️ “What kind of thing is this now?” I thought to myself

I knew if I didn’t answer we would just sit looking at each other.”Errr, I can’t remember the topic but I remember the teacher saying something about who we are in Christ, our identity as Christians, how we are to live”

“Good! Very good!!” Mum exclaimed. “Now I want to remind you of who you are Feyi. You are a geh, a Yoruba gehhhh!!!” I legit thought she was going to pull my ears as she said that🥺

“Have you forgotten what we taught you?” Her neck veins were already showing, chai, I knew I was in soup. “See your parlor Feyi, see how your kitchen is smelling. Tell me, when last did you sweep this house?”

Has it ever happened to you before? That you would want to talk but nothing would be coming out. I tried to talk oh, but nothing was coming out. ☹️

You won’t believe what my mum did next. She walked straight to my room, waddled her way through to my table and picked up my laptop. She put it in her big handbag. The way she did it seemed like she had planned this visit, her movement was so calculated.

“Mummy, what are you doing? That’s my laptop in your bag!” 😳😳

“And so what?” She said calmly. “Tell those people that your mummy has seized your laptop until further notice” she had this snug look on her face, like “omo, this thing is working sha”

I was laughing-crying or crying-laughing. I can’t tell which one wanted to come first. 😭🥺😂😂😭🥺😂😂😂

“Eeeyyy, God. What’s all this now? 🙆🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️

Before I could even say another thing, she handed me my broom and said “ oya, start sweeping”. Then I remembered the dream, the “sweet dream” I was having before her knock on the door woke me up.

(I sincerely wished that dream had happened in real life).

As I was sweeping, she pointed upward, remove that cobweb up there, above the kitchen door.

Move that chair from there so you can sweep that corner well.

Get a bucket and put all your dirty clothes in it.

All in one breath!! She didn’t even let me finish one task before giving me another one. 😭😭😭 little did I know that the soup I was in had not even started boiling…

I was angrily going about the tasks, fuming and wondering whether it was her house or my house 😡😡 that I didn’t know she had slipped out through the door.

With my laptop!!!!… “arrrrggghhh”

I wanted to scream my lungs out 😡😡😡

Episode 5

Hmm, my mum had really done it this time. I’m not one to stay angry for long though, so within minutes I was sitting, replaying all that had happened in my head. From when I slept off while working to the silly dream I’d had.

Hmm🤔

The dream…how come in the dream some invisible hands we’re washing my dirty plates and scrubbing my kitchen floor. No be small thing oh, my youth was passing in a blurry blur, so foggy, and I didn’t realize it until now. 🥺🥺

Then mum’s strange Sunday school-pep talk and annoying stunt of abducting my laptop seemed to peel off the remaining layers covering my eyes. Hmm

I got up and with more fervour than I ever thought I possessed, I began to tidy up my little apartment, my life. In under three hours I was done.

The simple lesson I learned from that silly dream is this.

Nobody will do for you what you ought to do for yourself.

Nobody will exercise for you to lose weight. Sorry I mean, nobody will exercise for me to lose weight. (By the way, I’m hitting the gym first thing tomorrow morning, guys. Just keep praying for me😅)

Even if I decided to get a maid, well…not bad.

But what happened to trying to find a *balance*?

What happened to planning and putting some sense of order into my life?

What happened to paying attention to myself and taking care of myself?

When did I stop needing people, friends, family, church etc.?

At the end of the day, after much stalling, you would still have to do for yourself, what you ought to do…if and only if you want to be successful.

So, I went to visit my parents the next day and mum was so happy to know that I had done the needful.

But just before she returned my laptop to me, she asked a question I seriously wasn’t expecting!! OMG 🤦🏿‍♀️

“When are you introducing us to your husband?” 😂😂😂😂😂

The End

For now.